


River of Dreams

by nicolet



Category: Naruto
Genre: Complete, Gen, One Shot, POV Sasuke, Songfic, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Time Skips, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Asshole, Uchiha Sasuke-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 06:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5237267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicolet/pseuds/nicolet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Team Kakashi attempts to rescue him. Sasuke's thoughts as he ponders on the road of darkness that he has taken. It's a dark, dark night and Sasuke takes out the memories and feelings he keeps lock in his heart to remember. And they are with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	River of Dreams

_Trust in dreams, for in them is the hidden gate to eternity._

–  _Khalil Gihran_

 

* * *

 

_My life is like the night sky, it is dark, and all of them are like the stars in my sky. They stay in the sky like they stay in my memory. Through the years, they continue to shine bright and beautiful through the dark, dark sky. None are forgotten. And at nights like these when the stars hide, I cannot see them, but I know they are there._

_And I am not alone._

 

Sasuke stared out from Orochimaru's lair with dark, unblinking eyes to the even darker sky not alit with stars. It's the new moon night. It is a night of darkness, no moon to penetrate the darkness, no stars to shine through the shadows that creep along ground.

It's dark, and the wind blows around Sasuke and he attempts to pull the cloth that barely covers his chest to prevent the cold. Sasuke shivers involuntarily and Sasuke stares up to the sky, secretly wishing for a star to light the sky.

 

 

 _In the middle of the night_   
_I go walking in my sleep_   
_From the mountains of faith_   
_To a river so deep_   
_I must be looking for something_   
_Something sacred I lost_   
_But the river is wide_ _  
_ _And it's too hard to cross_

 

 

He rubs his cold hands absently, mind wandering far, far away, to a place he has left. Sasuke's mind wanders further, and he abruptly shakes images of pink, smiles, tears and curves. The wind blows, it's cold and Sasuke wonders what the hell is wrong with him. He rubs his arms, pulls the sorry excuse for a shirt once again, and abruptly wishes that Orochimaru would suddenly have a better taste in clothing. The opening in his stone chamber that acts as a window seems to mock him at his efforts to keep warm. It opens up to show to Sasuke the dark world beyond the flickering candle lights' that lights up his chamber.

Sasuke wonders once again, why he isn't able to sleep on days like this. He wonders again, why his thoughts would stray to something he as sworn not to remember, it makes him weak, he thinks and he has sworn to vanquish all his weakness in order to be stronger.

To be strong to kill him. To kill Itachi. To avenge his clan.

Red eyes illuminate the night, flaring, spinning, and Sasuke's mind is now filled with blood, and he is tempted to hunt his brother down like an animal.

Sasuke looks down to his hands, they are clean, but he sees blood on them. He's no longer the boy of twelve. He has killed under Orochimaru's orders. He has seen enough blood to rival Itachi's. He has killed innocents and he does not regret it.  _I see their faces, they scream, and I am the one they are afraid off._

He blinks away the anguish he can feel pours in his heart, no tears can come to his eyes after all. His sorrows are kept deep, hidden, in his heart. All his fears, hopes, wants, needs,  _memories, Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi-sensei, 'tousan, 'kaasan,_ are all tucked carefully, in a little corner of his heart, taken out to examine only on nights where the darkness of the night penetrates his own. It is dark, and he takes in the comfort that no one can see now, the feelings and emotions that rush in his dark, dark eyes that are usually emotionless. Only at times reflecting anger, annoyance. They are hollow, voids of nothing. Now they give out so much more.

His thoughts stray again, to a place he once called home.  _Konoha._

Sasuke wonders. He shakes his head, his long locks swishing, and he irritably pushes them away.  _If only I can cut them off._ Orochimaru was the one with obsession to long hair, not him.

He feels cold, empty and  _lonely._

He thinks that and he berates himself.

Uchiha Sasuke is an avenger. He does not feel lonely nor empty in the pursuit of his brother's death. Nor does he think of a certain pink-haired girl, with bright green eyes and a brilliant smile on dark nights like this. Nope. Uchiha Sasuke does not think of her at all.

Sasuke frowns and slams open his bedroom door,  _a stone door_ , not even bothering if he has awaken Orochimaru nor Kabuto and their evil minions. He walks out from the confusing halls and he sits down on a tree overlooking the vast land of nothing. That tree was the only thing that could live around here. He looks across the sea of darkness, waves of cold blowing past. It is dark. Dark is stretching all the way from the horizon. There is nothing for him to see. Only the occasional grains of sand striking his face.

It is during dark nights like this, of the new moon that he can't sleep and he wonders. His thoughts stray to where he knows should not, but he cannot help it.

He thinks of the choices he's made. He ponders on the road his has taken, winding and curving and full of potholes and mud and…

He thinks of the dreams he should have pursued.

Things he could have done.

Should have done.

 

 

 _And even though I know the river is wide_   
_I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore_   
_And try to cross to the opposite side_ _  
_ _So I can finally find out what I've been looking for_

 

 

Sasuke idly wonders what would have happened.

He thinks then of his mother. His father.

_Itachi…_

Sharingan spins again.

Blood walls encase him, growing taller and taller, bloodier and bloodier.

There is no escape. Blood is pouring from the walls, it's raining blood, and Sasuke is drenched in them. His red eyes' pours blood. And blood is always on him.

_Sakura still waits for me._

Dark eyes, onyx, comes back. They are filled with warmth. If only briefly.

The blood walls shatter like glass. The blood no longer pours. Flowers, bloom now. In the midst of the blood.  _Sakura flowers._

Three years.

 _Thank you._ He does not know why he said that and why he says it now.

She has grown up, he thinks.

She has the same short hair, she has had it since the day he was unconscious, in the Death forest. It's alright though; he thinks she looks prettier, more mature in them. She looks stronger in them, and a strange feeling swells in his chest.

She has the same bright green eyes. The sparkle of life still remains in her life. Bright, unlike his; and he likes them. They're bright and he finds now that he holds on to bright things, memories, and stones. An obsession, Kabuto tells him.

He holds on to them. He fingers a shiny ring that glows in the darkness as he lifts it up from one of the pocket in his shirt. Its bright silver with a green stone set in it.  _Like her eyes, they shine._

He's lost in darkness now and bright things' mesmerizes him.

She's curvier.

Has longer legs now.

She wears nice boots, Sasuke thinks appreciatively and his trail of thought disgusts him somewhat.

Still, she has gotten prettier and Sasuke can't help but admire that fact, he has after all, testerones in his male body.  _Her legs…_

Sasuke's thoughts stray for a moment. It's filled with pink and green and red and smiles and tears and goodbyes and hellos and  _boots_ all in a flurry. He wonders then, if she's the same innocent, naïve, trusting girl he knew three years ago. But he knows she is. Her eyes are still the same green, sweet, pure eyes after all. And he doesn't want her to change.

 

 

 _From the mountains of faith_ _  
_ _To a river so deep_

 

 

He looks up to where the moon should be and ponders. Naruto assaults his mind now. A sneer curls his lips as he thinks of the hideous orange and black combination Naruto chose to wear. Naruto still has those eyes. Blue eyes' blazing with righteousness and Sasuke secretly envies him for being able to keep the light in his eyes. His own are black with bleeding red. With hate and cold.

Naruto too has suffered, what with the kyuubi in him, Sasuke knows and yet Naruto still walks in light.

And he's with Sakura. Sasuke thinks irritably.  _Dobe._

Naruto is stronger, but not as strong as him. Sasuke is slightly surprise that Naruto is still trying to bring him back.  _He's still my friend?_ But that fool was always one to stick to his promises after all. Naruto was also a fool to believe that he would actually return willingly.  _But._

Sasuke had not killed him then, and he wonders why.

Sensei wasn't there, and secretly Sasuke is relieved. If he had been there, it would be as if Team Seven is reunited, and Sasuke's heart clenches.

He wonders how his sensei looks like now. And wonders if the mask is still firmly in place. Sasuke still wonders how Hatake Kakashi got his one sharingan eye. But then again, his sensei wouldn't be worth his time if he hadn't had it.  _He wouldn't be cool too._

Sasuke idly wonders if his sensei continues to arrive late. If he still pulls out the famous orange book form the pouch he has. He wonders if his sensei still manages to keep that lazy air around him.  _What volume is the Icha Icha series now anyway?_ His sensei's eyes are dark too, but they hold warmth and humor, and Sasuke envies the man for having light too in his eyes, no matter how dim. His are…  _dead._

 

 

 _In the middle of the night_   
_I go walking in my sleep_   
_Through the valley of fear_   
_To a river so deep_   
_And I've been searching for something_   
_Taken out of my soul_   
_Something I would never lose_ _  
_ _Something somebody stole_

 

 

There's a new one replacing him, and Sasuke's red eyes appear. He is angry. There is no one good enough to replace him. No one strong enough. No one good enough. That boy was weak, and he could not even o against him. Sasuke scrowls darkly. He is not fit to replace the Uchiha Sasuke. Certainly not a freak that bares his midriff and  _smiles like a maniac._

_He's not even handsome enough too._

And the man whom had replaced his sensei,  _why am I still calling him that?_ ,was one he did not even need to waste his time on. He was weak, regardless of the fact that he has the 1st Hokage's blood in him. He did not even look mysterious nor strong. Though Sasuke is reminded of the time he first met his sensei.

_Is he really a jounin?_

Sasuke decides suddenly that the replacement of his sensei and himself are not good enough. They're weak, unlike him and his sensei. Sasuke abruptly realizes that he still thinks of Team Seven as his own. And that nothing is the same without all of them together. He misses Naruto, the loud, obnoxious,  _dobe;_ he has come to call his best friend.  _The one I must kill._ Sakura is the annoying fan girl he had resolved to push but he has come to see her as a valuable member of his team, someone he wants to protect. She's fragile, innocent and he thinks that she should not dirty her hands, should not stain her hands with blood and that he would be willing to do it for her. Her laughter, smiles and eyes, have become something valuable to him. And his sensei. When the hell had he started looking up to that lazy, perverted old man?  _I'm being polluted, even this far away._

He misses the days of Team Seven. He misses waiting out on the bridge, early on the morning, watching the sun rising, together with Sakura and Naruto in the peaceful silence neither would break. It's beautiful in the morning, and they always come on the time his sensei had set, even though they know he won't be there early. Sasuke wonders now, if it was his sensei's ploy to get them to strengthen their bond through the simple act of watching the sun rise, and waiting together, idly talking, and fighting. It certainly gives Sasuke a lot to remember. He misses watching Sakura and Naruto fighting it out. He also misses the insults he would exchange with Naruto. He realizes that he misses the noises they make then. It's too quiet here, Sasuke thinks. He shivers but not as violently as before. The wind is stronger but he seems not to feel it. He misses how his sensei would poof out of nowhere, late with the usual crinkle of the eye, a happy little wave, a small nod, orange book in hand and his typical response.

" _Yo. I got lost. On the road of life."_

Sasuke smiles at the memory, his smiles feels strained, and he finds that smiling takes an effort now. He has not smiled often and now, smiling comes only at nights like this. Of darkness where none can see him, when the moon is asleep with the stars safely tucked away, and there is no reins to hold back his mind from wandering. Memories floats easily on nights like this and Sasuke finds that sleeping is a waste on nights like this.

" _LIAR!"_

He misses eating ramen at Ichiraku with the team. Kakashi-sensei had always given in to Naruto's request of ramen after missions and no matter how reluctant he seemed in going, Sasuke was always glad to be in the presence of his team. Damn house was too huge, and lonely. Sasuke misses the daily visits there. He misses insulting Naruto on his eating habits.

" _Inhaling ramen is just not right dobe." "Chewing seems hard for you isn't it?"_

Sasuke misses trying to watch his sensei eat through his mask. Sensei was always too quick for him, and even now, Sasuke wants to know how his sensei looks like through the mask and how the hell he could eat so damn fast.

And Sakura. She may not notice it, but Sasuke had always observed her form the corner of his eye. He knows she would nibble on her lower lip when she was nervous, and it is one of the memories Sasuke keeps hidden in his mind about her.

He misses her customary question.

" _Sasuke-kun. Will you go out with me?"_

Sasuke wishes that he has not been that cold to her. Wishes that he wasn't so intent on killing. Wishes that he could have said yes. He wishes. But wishes do not always come true after all. They may not even come true. Wishes are foolish hopes of wanting, but never getting.

And Sasuke is left alone in the dark now. There is no light in her eyes to hold him. Wind whistles quietly and the leaves rustle about him. Sasuke wants to see them again.

_Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi-sensei._

Sasuke knows that Team Seven is no longer the same now. There is no more room for him now, he thinks. There's the midriff bearing guy now, and the new teacher that has scary eyes.  _Where did that come from?_ Sasuke wonders briefly on what has become of Kakashi.

 

 

 _But the river is wide_ _  
_ _And it's too hard to cross_

 

 

Sasuke thinks back on the  _good ol' days_ and a laugh rises bitterly to the surface. It is a laugh full of irony. Sasuke realizes that he can only live in the past; he never wants to be in the present nor the future. Only the past.

To before he left Konoha. Back to Team Seven.

To before his clan was massacred. He wishes he can be with his family again.

' _kaasan._

' _tousan._

Sasuke's sharingan flairs just for a second and then nothing. He is only filled with sadness now. Not hate. He wishes his aniki can come back. Wishes that he could once again piggyback on his brother's back.

" _Aniki. Will you come and train me today? I wanna practice my throwing skills!"_

It is dark and blood seems to creep to him in the darkness. It is cold. The darkness seems red now. Everything tastes, smells, feels like blood now.

The night his clan was massacred, it was a full moon. The moon was awake and glowing. It was a beautiful night. The night he left Team Seven, left Konoha, it was also a beautiful, beautiful night. And yet, it is during those nights that he sleeps peacefully and at nights like this that he is awake and thinking always about times he cannot change. Not now.  _I wish I had a time-machine. Would that help?_ Sasuke lives in the dark, always trying to live in the past. Blood at the edges of his dark, dark world, coming closer and closer to where he is huddled.

 

 

 _I don't know why I go walking at night_   
_But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore_   
_I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life_ _  
_ _Until I find what it is that I've been looking for_

 

 

Lights. They're bright. They shine. Some memories, happy ones. Things. He likes them. It is an obsession, as Kabuto says, Sasuke has to agree. It is the same with cleanliness. Washing hands is painful now. The blood fading from his hands as he scrubs is a constant reminder of how he has changed. The curse seal prickles and Sasuke absently rubs it. In his mind, Orochimaru and Kabuto laughs at his helplessness. Sasuke's hands clenches. He tries to laugh back, but fails.

Everything is not the same now, when he looks in the mirror, sometimes, Sasuke has to bite his lips to keep them shut tight, from screaming, because it is his brother he sees. Blood shot eyes, eyes filled with hate. His eyes are hollow, and they are no longer his eyes. Not eyes his mother had used to say was  _so pretty, and Sasuke-chan, it's filled with light!_ Now his eyes are dark, cold and full of hate.  _Like his brothers'._ Blood seems to pour from his eyes now. He is pale. His hair is long, like his brother's, only his is spikier, but it makes no difference. He looks like his brother, and Sasuke is afraid. Orochimaru has ordered Kabuto to remove the mirrors when Sasuke always emerges with splinters of glass in his knuckles. They are bloody but he smiles and feels victorious.

Sasuke wishes he has the courage then, to hold Sakura and to stay with her when she was with him in his last night within the gate of Konoha. It was a beautiful night, the moon was full. It was bright. Unlike now.

 _Bonds make you weak._ A part of his mind whispers, deadly. Sasuke shivers and he blames it on the wind.  _Hate is all you need. Hate me. Hate me._

Sasuke feels that his life has been too concentrated on Itachi that his mind has becomes like him.

Sasuke wishes he could receive another of her smiles. He likes her smile. On nights as dark, as cold, as lonely as this. Her smiles bring warmth. Her green eyes sparkle and they bring life. His memories of her are his constant companion.

She's older now and Sasuke reprints images of her in his mind, making the Sakura's taller, prettier, and curvier. His thoughts go too far back and Naruto's loud infectious laughter breaks through his thoughts. He wears orange and black and he is taller than Sakura now, when before, he looked liked a shrimp. He also reprints the images of Naruto, and then he wonders why he is doing so.

" _Sasuke-teme!"_

Naruto sneers at him, at his thoughts.

" _Sakura-chan is prettier now ain't she? She has a great figure."_

Sasuke can't help but agree silently. He ponders. On nights like this, they always appear. Their voices echo all around him and they are with him on nights like this.

Naruto is his best friend and Sasuke knows why he had never killed him. They fight a lot. And Sasuke can't kill him. His heart races at the memory.

" _Chidori!"_

" _Rasengan!"_

Naruto is his best friend, and Sasuke can't kill him. He won't. Still won't even when he has said that he will. The bond between him and Naruto is too strong and even the desire to overcome Itachi cannot overshadow it.

He wonders what would have happened if one has died. Would Sakura cry for him again?  _I never want to see her tears again._

Kakashi is leaning on the tree where Sasuke is sitting and Sasuke jumps down nimbly. Sasuke nods in respect. His sensei's eye crinkle as he briefly looks to Sasuke and then the eye goes on scanning the pages of his orange book.

" _Came to keep you company Sasuke. You're lonely aren't you."_

Sasuke has to agree. His sensei still has that lazy and cool posture. He suddenly has the violent urge to pull his sensei's hair or to scream in his ear just to see his sensei getting riled up for once. A childish act he knows, but he is sorely tempted. But he turns away anyway; an Uchiha does not do silly stunts.

 

 

 _And I've been searching for something_ _  
_ _Taken out of my soul_

 

 

He is not shocked to see that Sakura has laid out a picnic cloth on the ground, he settles himself and she is sitting beside him demurely. Naruto is on his other side. Kakashi comes to settle beside Sakura and both Naruto and Sasuke warn their sensei with their eyes not to do anything to their Sakura-chan.

There is nothing to see, but the darkness stretching far, far away. No moon to admire too, no constellation to discuss. But Team Seven is back on nights like this, at least, to Sasuke. Team Seven is back, but it's different today. Sakura is older now, she is stronger, more mature and she helps to protect her teammates. She is great at healing now, he remembers Kabuto saying. An apprentice of Tsunade-sama. And Sasuke respects this Sakura.  _Damn. She's hotter now._

Naruto is taller. That is the fact Sasuke first notices, and he still has that horrible sense of colours.  _Maybe he's colour blind._ Naruto seems faster now, and he can control the kyuubi's chakra, though he has lost control twice. Naruto seems to have learned interesting jutsus' from Jiraiya-sama. Sasuke continues to see Naruto as his beat friend, as his worthy rival. And the brunt of his insults.  _Still the dobe aren't you._

Naruto glares at him, and he smirks back.

Kakashi-sensei seems to be the one whom has changed the least. Sasuke sees Kakashi-sensei as a mentor, and as much as he hated to admit it, Kakashi-sensei was like a father to him. He had taught him many lessons and Sasuke is grateful towards him. Kakashi-sensei is a constant in his life and he knows even now that his sensei will always remain the same perverted, old man that he knows so well.

 

 

 _In the middle of the night_   
_I go walking in my sleep_   
_Through the jungle of doubt_ _  
_ _To a river so deep_

 

 

He himself has changed. He's dirtier, darker, and he is trained by Orochimaru. He learned fast, uses forbidden jutsus' and he has killed many, many people for the sake of killing only one.

_My aniki._

It is a dark night, but they glow. He does not. He envies them. He wants to go to them. He wants to return to the way things were. Team Seven.

"Do you think I can return?" his voice seems to echo in the darkness, bouncing off the walls of blood that surrounds him.

" _Return where?"_ Naruto asks offhandedly, an eyebrow raised although he knew where Sasuke was going about.  _You really are a dobe._

Sakura whacks him on the head for being insensitive and Kakashi turns away from his book to look at Sasuke in the eye. Sasuke knows he's smiling and Sasuke smiles too. He seemed full of smiles tonight.

" _Do you want to?"_ Sakura asks, and she places both her hands on top of his.  _It feels warm, but is it real?_

Her eyes sparkle, so does Naruto's and Kakashi-sensei too. They're waiting for him after all.

" _I'll bring you back anyway teme. Whether you like it or not, broken bones and all of the fragments of your broken and smashed Uchiha ass back to Konoha. Back home."_

Kakashi-sensei seems too amused and Sasuke glares at his sensei, wondering why he is smiling.

' _When you return, as a gift, I'll introduce you to the Icha Icha series."_

Sasuke colours and laughs.  _Baka sensei._ Naruto whoops but becomes silent as Sakura burns. Sensei mutters a small apology to Sakura and Sasuke is amused to see two well-known shinobis' reduced to mere putty at a fragile girl's glare.

As Sakura turns to Sasuke, he changes his mind. She is one hell of a kunoichi and her grip on his is starting to get painful.

Its dark out there, blood still colours the walls around him, but its warm here. On nights of the new moon. It's Team Seven back once again. To him, it's happiness once again. It's dark, he's dark, but they're light and it's light now. He sees them on nights like this and Sasuke wonders if he has gone insane. He sees them, and he thinks he's turned mad.

 

 

 _I know I'm searching for something_   
_Something so undefined_   
_That it can only be seen_   
_By the eyes of the blind_ _  
_ _In the middle of the night_

 

 

"I'll come back one day."

Itachi flashes through his mind. He is an avenger and he must fulfill this promise he has placed upon the honor of his clan.

"I have to kill him first."

" _Must you?"_ Sakura asks, frowning, and Sasuke is tempted to smooth that frown away.

" _Why can't we fight together?"_ she asks, and Kakashi-sensei and Naruto waits for his answer.

"Because..." He doesn't really know.

Her ands leaves his and they grow cold again.

"It is my battle. And Orochimaru can make me stronger. I need to kill him, and I need the power."

" _He doesn't trust his sensei…"_ Kakashi moans, sounding so pathetic that Sasuke can't help but give a look of disdain at his sensei.

Sakura stares at nothing. Naruto is silent.

" _I'll be stronger Sasuke-kun. And I'm still waiting."_ Sakura smiles and Sasuke's heart swells.  _I know._

Naruto chuckles, sensei does too. And Sasuke feels the blush on his cheeks.  _'Sasuke-teme always gets the good stuff."_ Naruto grumbles good-naturedly.

Sasuke feels happy but there is a strain in the air around them. The tension is still in the air. Everyone knows what is going to happen. Kakashi-sensei stood up first, then Naruto, then Sakura, and he catches a glimpse if the ample long legs she has and Sasuke can't help but grin. Sakura gives him a  _look_ and he quickly wipes the grin off his face.

It's getting darker inside too. The warmth is leaving. The three shimmers. The light is leaving. He's going back into the dark. It's dark. It's cold.

Light. Warmth. Love.

They're disappearing.  _No. No. No._

" _We'll come for you."_ Naruto says. Kakashi-sensei nods, and waves a goodbye. His eyes are still fixed on the orange book. And Sasuke shakes his head. Sakura tearfully blows him a goodbye kiss. Sasuke feels like jumping up and down to catch the kiss. But he stays sited on the ground as he watches his teammates disappear.

His sensei suddenly turns to him, and his words are soft and Sasuke strains to hear them.

" _Shinobis' that do not protect their comrades are worse than trash."_

He knows that. He knows that. He  _knows._

He reaches out to them.

Doesn't want them to leave. He wants this night to last forever.

But his hand is suddenly pouring with blood, and he's falling into that deep, dark void.

He's floating in this dark, dark world, with walls of blood encasing him. There is no light here. There is no one here to hear him scream.

It's cold, and it's dark, and Sasuke wonders if he's awake or asleep.

 

 

 _I don't know why I go walking at night_   
_But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore_   
_I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life_ _  
_ _Until I find what it is that I've been looking for_

 

 

"Sasuke-kun…"

He hates that voice. He opens his eyes and the image of the man with glasses looms into view.

"Why are you outside?" Kabuto acquires. Sasuke rises from the sitting position he was in, back against the tree. Sasuke glares at Kabuto, red eyes flashing. Spinning. Kabuto takes a step back.

Sasuke looks out to the horizon, and the sun is rising. The sun rises, and streaks of pink, and blue, and gold and red streaked through the sky. It's wonderful, beautiful and familiar. Sasuke wonders briefly if Team Seven is watching this together.

"Sugoi ne." Kabuto is behind him but Sasuke keeps silent. He wonders if Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi-sensei are watching this together.

Though, he wonders if that new one,  _Sai_ , is watching this too. Or that man,  _Yamato_ , is he also with them. Sasuke is envious and he forces himself to turn away from the view of the sun. He faces Kabuto, whom promptly turns and walks away.

But as Sasuke takes a step front, he shifts his head so that he can still see the sun from the corner of his eyes. Sasuke chose the dark. He's covered in darkness now. But, one day, he'll return to light. He'll make sure of it.

He'll take his place again in Team Seven. He'll be together with them again and this time, he will not leave. He'll stay to torment Naruto, and he'll love Sakura, and he'll see what his sensei keeps hidden under that mask.

_We must look underneath the underneath after all._

He'll hug Sakura too, it's the first thing he'll do when he comes back, and he wants to cry in her embrace, he wants to be warm in that embrace, basking in her light, he won't be in the dark anymore and he won't be alone anymore. He wants to let the sorrow from deep inside him to pour, to wash away all the blood that he has on him, and he wants her to be the one to hold him when he cleanse himself because he can only think of her of the light to his dark, of the warmth to his cold, of the happiness to his sorrow. And he wants her to be with him to the end.

 

 

 _I know I'm searching for something_   
_Something so undefined_   
_That it can only be seen_   
_By the eyes of the blind_ _  
_ _In the middle of the night_

 

 

He walks back to the winding halls. He is falling deeper in the dark, blood walls are closing in. Itachi is still alive after all. He isn't dead.  _Yet._ Blood is pouring down in little drizzles on Sasuke. He feels that Gaara too has influenced him. And he wonders if his existence is only to kill his brother.

 _No._ Sasuke knows that it is to complete Team Seven. He wonders when he has become so attached to these mere two words.  _It is my team._ He wonders when he has come to see Naruto as a brother.  _Dobe._ Sakura is no more a nuisance,  _I like her. I want her._ Sensei is a respected jounin, a father figure.  _Old man._

One day though, he knows Naruto with his blazing blue eyes, red at times, will pull him out of this void. Sakura, with gentle green eyes that glows will shatter the blood walls and Kakashi-sensei will once again teach him the value of comradeship.

He can't wait. Maybe, Sai will help too. Or he might even break out of his dark, dark world himself and surprise his teammates.

Something stops him from returning. There's something in this dark world of his. And until he finishes what he has to do. No one can break through this walls oof blood he has around him. Not even himself.

Orochimaru greets him, and Sasuke impassively stares back.

The images, memories, are safely hidden and he shuts the room in his heart and locks it and he throws the key deep, deep down in the darkness, only to resurface when the night of the new moon arrives again. He has no bonds. Nothing. He is an avenger and he only wants to be strong.

The ring is glinting and he knows Orochimaru is watching him.

Sasuke does not bother and the glare that he directs to Orochimaru is enough to scare the snakeman away. Kabuto is beside Orochimaru and he wants them to leave him alone. He turns to stare out from one of the holes of the winding hall, holes Orochimaru calls windows.

It's bright now. And the wind has stopped blowing. Sand stretches away from Sasuke's view and there is still nothing to see but dunes of sand.

He's waiting for the next new moon.

He's waiting for when it is dark, dark, dark and he can be alone with his thoughts and with them.

He wants to see them again. He wants to dream again.

 

 

 _In the middle of the night_   
_I go walking in my sleep_   
_Through the desert of truth_   
_To a river so deep_   
_We all end in the ocean_   
_We all start in the streams_   
_We're all carried along_   
_By the river of dreams_ _  
_ _In the middle of the night_

 

 

He doesn't know if they're real or if he's just dreaming. All that he knows, is that they are always come. On nights of the new moon. It is a night of awakenings they say. A night when new beginnings happen. A night of choices. A road branches on nights like this. There are always choices presented and the new moon is when the new is formed.

Sasuke wonders again if he's made the right choice. From the moment he has stepped off his path of light,  _since they died,_ his road is dark, the wind blows and he is alone, but along the journey, he encounters light again, and he has companions with him this time, but on the full moon again, he has chosen to once again delve in the dark.

He's cold, alone, lonely.

He wonders if he has gone insane from being in darkness too long. At nights of darkness, he wonders if his sharingan backfires and works on himself.

He sees things,  _them,_ that are not there after all. He fingers the ring and he slowly, careful tucks the memories, the thoughts, ponderings in the corner of his heart once more. Slowly, he turns over the picture of Naruto's blue eyes mocking him.  _Sasuke-teme._ Kakashi's sensei teases him. Sakura's gentle green eyes are shiny and filled with adoration, love and fire.

They're still with him, even if they're far away, and he's here with this snakeman, he has no intention of giving up his body.  _I'll play along._ Sasuke will return.

Sasuke will definitely return to Konoha, if only to reunite Team Seven again. If only to see them again, for real. He misses them. Naruto, Kakashi-sensei and Sakura.

 

 

 _By the river of dreams_ _  
_ _In the middle of the night_

 

 

He will return one day. He only wishes that one day will be soon.

But wishes never do come true.

_The walls are pouring with blood. It cold and Sasuke huddles in a corner, arms encircling his frozen body. He's alone and cold and he's scared and he's six again and he tries to stop the blood from touching him, but they're close and then it starts to pour. He's drenched to the core; the sickly, heady, sweet smell of blood is imprinted in his mind. Its red, red, red. Its staining him and he can't get it off. Sharingan whirls and twirls and its red, red, red and dark, dark, dark. The walls are closing in on him and Sasuke is afraid. He's cold, alone, lonely, he's swallowed in darkness, in blood and there is no way he can get out. And no one hears him scream but himself._

Itachi is still very much alive, after all.

 

 

_I'm dreaming._

_On a night like this._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2006.


End file.
